- Go now and find a hedge.
2.Wear suitable clothes. Flared jeans suck up the damp mud like an oil wick in a lamp.
3. Do not take the greedy Labrador. She will always find the fattest, most juiciest berries before you and eat them all.
3. Do not wear your favorite scarf, it will get caught fast in the brambles and leave you tangled and stuck like some nineteenth century damsel except this time there will be no dashing hero riding by to rescue you.
4. Gather your berries, leaving enough for the birds.
5. Turn on rain.
6. Squelch home. (See No. 2.)
7. Throw into an oven-proof bowl with some stewed apple.
8. Top with some leftover frozen crumble.
9. Serve with assembled family and some M&S custard. (I can't make custard, 'blushes')
10. Light candles and eat in front of the Great British Bake Off Final.
Who is going to win and if you are reading this afterwards -was he/she a worthy winner?